Your 'Ship's Come In
by Casix Thistlebane
Summary: Welcome to the Unconventional 'Shipper's Convention (Slash is most definitely mentioned)


Author's Note: Wow, this sucker is OLD, circa, very early fourth season. I've been digging around the old archives, and hey, you guys get what might or might not be the benefit. I'm a sick, strange person.  
  
Warning: Slash is mentioned.  
  
Disclaimer: these characters aren't mine, and after  
  
what I'm doing here, I'm sure they're not going to  
  
want to give them to me.  
  
Summary: Welcome to the Unconventional 'Shipper's  
  
Convention. Slash is mentioned. G/O/B/W/X/S in any mix of two on two combinations.  
  
Your 'Ship's Come In  
  
by Casix Thistlebane  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Giles read the prophesy over sixteen times before he  
  
finally admitted to himself that, if it were true, he  
  
and the young men and women he'd grown so close to  
  
over the years could be in for some seriously icky,  
  
strange, and bad stuff.  
  
Upon admitting this, he promptly reread the prophesy  
  
another ten times.  
  
He then, just as promptly, threw up.  
  
Once that mess was properly cleaned up, Giles set  
  
about convincing himself that, just this once, the  
  
Codex was wrong, and that they could make the prophesy  
  
go away merely by ignoring it.  
  
The instant that he was finally successful in this  
  
venture, Buffy and Oz walked into his kitchen,  
  
laughing and joking with each other. Oz's arm was  
  
wrapped casually around Buffy's waist. Giles fainted.  
  
He was revived a few minutes later when Willow decided  
  
the best way to wake him up was with a hearty kiss on  
  
the lips. He then dashed into the bathroom shouting  
  
particularly British curses, locked the door, and  
  
refused to come out until the prophesy had fulfilled  
  
itself already, and he didn't have to deal with any of  
  
this any more. There was a distinct sound of mouth  
  
washing following this proclamation.  
  
All these actions eventually led the gathered Scooby  
  
Gang to wonder just what prophesy Giles was so upset  
  
about, and check to see precisely what it was he had  
  
read in the Codex.  
  
This, of course, led to even further confusion, as  
  
none of those present could read the language that the  
  
Codex had been written in.  
  
It was decided that the only way to rectify the  
  
situation was to get Giles the hell out of the  
  
bathroom already, and make him read it to them, so  
  
they could commence researching and solve this  
  
problem, whatever it was.  
  
In accordance with the way these sorts of decisions  
  
always turn out, this was easier said than done.  
  
Finally, Xander, Oz, and Spike all ganged up on the  
  
bathroom door, and managed to knock both it, and  
  
Giles, who'd been leaning against it trying not to  
  
faint or throw up again, flat on the floor. There  
  
then proceeded to be even more confusion, as the  
  
Scooby Gang had to decide how best to revive Giles  
  
again. It was decided against Willow attempting it,  
  
and though both Buffy and Xander volunteered for the  
  
honor, Spike finally found some smelling salts in the  
  
cabinet, which seemed to suffice. And they didn't  
  
have the messy side effect of sending Giles screaming  
  
out of the room.  
  
Finally, they managed to coerce Giles into reading  
  
them the prophesy (it required a great deal of  
  
threatening of horrible bodily harm from each of them,  
  
and then finally succeeded when Spike volunteered to  
  
kiss the Englishman if he didn't. He regretted it as  
  
soon as he learned what the prophesy actually was).  
  
Once the obligatory arguing and unhappiness had been  
  
dealt with, the group set about figuring out what,  
  
exactly, they were to do about this apparent  
  
catastrophe.  
  
"I say we ignore it." Spike stated. "That Codex  
  
thingy can't be right all the time."  
  
"That's what I thought." Giles replied. "But it's  
  
already begun." He turned to look meaningfully at  
  
Buffy and Oz, and then at Willow.  
  
"Well, then," Xander said, stretching happily on the  
  
couch. "Nothing to do but to humor the damn thing."  
  
He too looked meaningfully at Buffy and Willow, but it  
  
was a much different kind of meaningful look.  
  
Buffy rapidly went through a series of expressions  
  
that ranged from disgust, to resignation, to a kind of  
  
curious excitement.  
  
Willow merely frowned and turned to look at Oz. "But  
  
I've already found my true love!" She protested, then  
  
paused to think about it. "Haven't I?"  
  
"You may have found a love, Willow, but are you  
  
certain it's your one, true love?" Giles asked  
  
softly.  
  
Willow searched Oz's eyes for something, anything....  
  
And then she found it. A small piece of dust. No  
  
wonder he'd been blinking so much.  
  
Oz blinked again, and then finally managed to rub the  
  
dust from his eyes. He turned to look at Giles again.  
  
"So that's it? We experiment around, and find out  
  
who amongst us is our true love?"  
  
"Er," replied Giles, a little uncomfortably. "Yes."  
  
"Okay." Oz replied, not letting anything get past his  
  
cool exterior. "Who goes first?"  
  
"And what's on second." Xander replied. Everyone  
  
glared at him. Well, except for Buffy, who was still  
  
giving him that strange look. It was starting to make  
  
Xander uncomfortable. As much as he loved Buffy and  
  
wanted said love returned, that expression was just  
  
plain creepy.  
  
Xander squirmed slightly. "Let's get this over with."  
  
He stated, and offered a hand to Buffy. She gladly  
  
took it.  
  
"Why didn't I ever realize how handsome you are  
  
Xander?" She asked sweetly.  
  
Xander grimaced, and shut his eyes. He then opened  
  
them again, very, very wide, as Buffy kissed him full  
  
on this lips. This was, supposedly, his dream come  
  
true. "Gyah," he shouted, and pulled away slightly.  
  
"In private, Buff!"  
  
Buffy considered this. "Okay!" She replied happily,  
  
and the two of them moved off together to another part  
  
of the house.  
  
The remaining members of the Scooby Gang watched them  
  
go, and then glanced around at each other, looking  
  
uncomfortable. Finally, Willow decided to take the  
  
initiative.  
  
"Come on, Spike." She stated finally, offering her  
  
hand to the not-quite-good-but-for-some-  
  
reason-fighting-evil vampire. "I'll go wear some  
  
leather for you."  
  
"Alright luv," the bleached-blonde brit replied, and  
  
the two left, leaving Oz and Giles looking at one  
  
another.  
  
They continued just looking at each other for a long  
  
time.  
  
A cricket sounded softly from the kitchen.  
  
Oz raised an eyebrow at the ex-librarian.  
  
Giles looked decidedly ill, and then finally resigned  
  
himself to his fate.  
  
"Right then," he said, standing. "Let's get his show  
  
on the road."  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
[insert what ever couple you wish in whatever kind of  
  
situation with whatever level of kinkiness you prefer.  
  
Just remember that said characters will also end up,  
  
in varying degrees of television rating, with everyother character. (wicked look from the author)]  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
"Well," Giles stated, sitting carefully down on the  
  
couch and trying not to remember what had transpired  
  
there a few moments before. "That was certainly  
  
educational...."  
  
"Yes." replied the group in stereo. None of them  
  
seemed willing to look at very many of the others.  
  
"And what did we all learn?" Spike asked, sounding  
  
like a deranged kindergarten teacher.  
  
There was brief silence, until Willow finally spoke  
  
up.  
  
"I learned that I really do love Oz."  
  
Oz smiled happily, the only emotion he'd shown  
  
throughout the entire story, and wrapped an arm over  
  
her shoulders. "Me too. Well, you know what I mean."  
  
"Yes." Giles stated, cleaning his glasses carefully.  
  
"I learned that I still miss Jenny quite a bit, but  
  
that... er...."  
  
"Admit it Giles," Buffy said, smiling a bit  
  
sardonically. "My mom is helping. God, that so  
  
twisted....."  
  
"Yes. And what about you, Buffy?"  
  
"Me? I learned that I still miss Angel, but not as  
  
much as I thought I did. Xander?"  
  
"Well, Buffy, there will always be just a bit of that  
  
whole 'unrequited' business between us," Xander  
  
replied, doing his best to look pious. "But that I  
  
have not yet found my true love."  
  
Spike, who had remained silent for quite awhile, spoke  
  
up. "I for one, learned quite a bit. First, Willow,  
  
you look lovely in leather."  
  
Willow blushed. Oz leaned over and whispered  
  
something in her ear, which only made her giggle and  
  
blush more.  
  
"And Oz, your experience as a werewolf has made you  
  
quite an... interesting partner."  
  
Oz smiled slightly, and Willow giggled more.  
  
"And Xander, you have a rightly disturbing way of  
  
giggling to yourself. It's rather hyena like."  
  
Xander shrugged, trying not to look embarrassed.  
  
"Giles? You weren't bad, but you could be better.  
  
Remember, practice makes perfect."  
  
Giles frowned and tried to look dignified. Buffy  
  
laughed.  
  
"And the darling Slayer. That strength is certainly  
  
good for something. I'm not surprised you made Angel  
  
go psycho."  
  
Buffy glared daggers at him, and her next statement  
  
was so sickeningly sweet it sent the entire room into  
  
diabetic shock.  
  
"And what are your conclusions, Spike?"  
  
"Well, I merely confirmed what I already knew."  
  
"Which was?"  
  
"I'm in love with myself."  
  
There was a momentary silence in the room. Giles  
  
finally cleared his throat.  
  
"Well, that's that then." He snapped the Codex shut  
  
with a, well, a snap. "Now, may I suggest that we  
  
never EVER, speak of this again?"  
  
It was quickly agreed. All those involved managed to,  
  
quite successfully, suppress their memories of the  
  
eventful night, and business for the Scooby Gang  
  
continued as usual.  
  
Except for the total renovation of Giles' apartment  
  
that followed the replacement of his bathroom door,  
  
that is.  
  
The End.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ 


End file.
